The One Thing I Hate About Being Here

Hate is a strong word, so know that what I am about to talk about is something that warrants my use of the word. 

Every single day, I am sexually harassed by men on the street. 

Whistled at. Kissed at. Commented at. Laughed at. 

I cannot walk down the street without hearing someone utter the word "chinita", usually accompanied by a kissing sound and an uncomfortably long stare. 

What does it feel like? 

Anger. Frustration. Fear. Embarrassment. Vulnerability. Isolation. Confusion. Sadness. 

I can't laugh it off the way I did with the man who told me "Sayonara, Arigato" because these men are intentionally trying to make me feel uncomfortable by making comments about my physical appearance. 

I can't retort, because I can hardly think quickly enough to do so in English, let alone in Spanish. 

Often times, they harass me when I've passed by them, or while riding on bikes, so that I have no time to react. 

It's gotten to the point where I have started to dislike going outside and exploring the city....the very thing I love the most about traveling. The harassment is so constant and unavoidable that it is physically and emotionally oppressing me from doing the things I want to do. 

However, I have to keep pushing on. 

I still have to wake up and walk to work every morning, even though I know that every single person I pass by will stare at me because I'm Chinese and several men will whistle and make comments about me. 

And I will still explore the city, despite the emotional pain from being harassed that dampens my happiness and sometimes ruins my entire day. 

It sucks. It really, really sucks. 

And it's difficult to know how to react. I know it's safest to ignore them, but then I end up feeling victimized and wish I had said something. I've flipped the bird to a group of men sitting in the back of a truck, but that only caused them to laugh, and although it made me feel slightly better, it may have been the reaction they wanted. 

Most of the time, I try to stay strong. When men stare at me, I stare back until I walk past them. This usually prevents them from verbally harassing me. However, it makes life feel like a constant battle to preserve my dignity. 

Every day, I find myself wishing that my skin was a few shades darker so that maybe I could pass as Nicaraguan and not be called "chinita" by every person on the street. I even find myself wishing I was a man so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. Just so that I could walk down the street in peace....

But wishing for the impossible does not change reality. I am a woman, and I am Chinese. I can choose to resent that, or I can choose to embrace it and deal with the difficulties that come with it. Because as much as I'd like to instantly cure the world of sexism and racism, I know that social change takes an incredible amount of time. 

So for now, I will have to find ways to combat this harassment - to preserve my mental and emotional well being, to stay safe, and to send the message to my harassers that they do not have control over me, that their actions are wrong. 

I know I'm definitely not the only one who faces this challenge, so I'd like to share some websites that helped me find ideas on how to combat harassment. It's also worth looking at even if you don't experience harassment yourself, because being a bystander means being a part of the problem. 

This website gives specific tips on how to deal with harassment effectively and safely, whether you are the victim or a witness: 

http://www.ihollaback.org/resources/responding-to-harassers/

This is a reddit thread where women share stories about their experiences of being sexually harassed. It's nice to hear other people's experiences, share your own, and know that you're not alone. People also share their own tips on how to deal with harassment:

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/107n27/ladies_how_do_you_deal_withreact_to_catcalls/